Saturday, April 09, 2011;
If I could live life all over again, I probably would.
So many regrets weighing me down, its as if I can't move forward.
I'm pinned down, under the incessant "what ifs".
The ghosts keep coming back to haunt me.
The people who love me are the only ones that keep me going.
Otherwise, I hate my life.
Monday, March 28, 2011;
Warning: Senseless stupid retarded lame post coming rightttt up
Omg I am so bored. EPIC RESTLESSNESS. To the extent of ranting here in this retarded space. Rant rant rant. Talking to myself, same thing. How much can one study and be alone before feeling an acute need for companionship. I'm sure this is temporal. It has to be. Sometimes I love being alone. But occasionally I'll feel so restless and unloved. Hmmmmz
Abt 2 more mths plus before going back.
People want complete freedom. But sometimes when you get it, you'll have no idea what to do with it. Experimenting is only fun when you're young and retarded and reckless. I'm not young enough to use age as an excuse anymore. I'm not as retarded as I was during pubescence (eh or who knows maybe I'm still yknow, growing lolol). And I'm not... as... reckless I hope? Mature adult, I aspire to be. But mature adults can be adventurous cant they. Hmmmmm
So....
We're going on an adventuuureee~ To candy mountainnn~
Not really imma go do my tutorial and mebbe stuff.
Monday, July 05, 2010;
Oh what I would give for a home cooked meal and a big cuddle from popo now
Thursday, July 01, 2010;
I need to learn to drive. And get a car. Quick. Waiting for a cab at ikea now with loads of stuff, and killer cramps which are the bane of my existence.
WANTS A CAR.
Saturday, June 26, 2010; First post from Melbourne
It's been raining non stop today, which makes it even colder.
Pathetic fallacy, to some extent :o
I don't feel like saying much.. Just the fact that it's raining now. Lol
Wednesday, June 09, 2010;
OKAY NON EMO POST!!!!
Today, I
- Packed my clothing. Took out alllll my longsleeved warm clothing. And a few dresses just in case. And jeans, leggings, blabla. Wanted to bring all my cedar house tees which I always wear to sleep. But mum rolled her eyes and let me bring only 1? Hm.
- Lay on the bed with Tonia darling and we sang and sang and sang all kinds of random songs until I fell asleep. That little sweetheart secretly knows how to sing quite a few of my favourite songs, much to my delight. Probably because I kept playing the songs on loop one day, and she was forced to learn the songs. Hohoho. And we tried rapping songs like "U Can't Touch This", Glee Cast version. It was retarded and hilarious. :D
I have suddenly lost the mood to blog. Lalala bye
Monday, June 07, 2010; Love so much
Had a great dinner at Jumbo Seafood Restaurant with my family (dad's side).. The food was awesome but sadly I didn't have much appetite. Hm or maybe that's a good thing.... But anyway, I guess it's cuz I was preoccupied in my thoughts throughout dinner. And kinda emotional, too.
I've never ever felt emotions like these before. Each and every relationship I have with everyone I love brings with it a different kind of sadness and emotional attachment. With every different face that fills my heart and mind, there are so much memories and I can still see the smiles, hear the laughter, feel the joy.
And it hurts so bad when I see the people I love cry. I've never even seen some of them cry before, and now I've seen it, and it's because of me. I'm terrible. I didn't wanna bring sadness to you.
Don't cry, I love you. Your tears are precious to me.
I'll take care of you and protect you even from miles away (:
Yesterday my family sat in front of KelvinQQ's tv for karaoke. It was so awesome when everyone sang "I have a dream" together.. I recorded it(: It can totally bring me to tears.
Sorry for the extremely emo post....
Friday, June 04, 2010;
I just have to tell myself what everyone says.
Five/six months ain't that long! Itsalright!
it sounds pretty darn long to me for now.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010;
Okay I'm feeling so much better.
A good cry always helps.
And I'm v grateful, thank you v much(:
I think facebook pages are extremely creative and actually quite amazing, 'cuz you realize that many people actually went through/are going through same situations, have the same fetisheshabits etc, think the same way and blablabla.
I like this quote I saw from facebook!
"Don't make a girl fall for you if you have no intention of catching her."
Okay to be fair this should apply to both genders. Girls w.r.t guys too. Or girls w.r.t girls. Or guys w.r.t guys. :o
Its so meaningful.
But sometimes one might think that he/she would be willing to catch the other party. But halfway through freefall, maybe they'd get distracted and look away and fail to catch the poor fella. Boom fall down die. Or maybe they'll freak out and think "Omg shit I think too heavy, cmi" then run away. Also boom fall down die.
Or or or they'll be trying to catch the fella then accidently fall in love with someone else into another hole or smth. Nobody to catch youuuu~
Or you'll fall and the person would be there and you'll land in his/her arms?
*hopeful*
Okay this is totally nonsense and pointless.
.....
So like. Must watch your weight. Don't break his arms. Or his back.
Or his...........
Okay I need to stop. Bye
Tuesday, June 01, 2010;
How tricky life can get.
At those times where you just need it the most.. Those whom you thought would be there and hope would be there are everywhere but there.
But those whom you never thought would be there somehow just appear without you calling at all and contribute a nice word or two. Makes you feel so much less alone and pathetic. Thanks for that, though I don't think you'd read this. Don't be so nice to me ):
1) I feel stupid and lonely and stupid. Oh wait, I said that already
2) I miss my grandma. She went to live with aunt to get used to it. I cried, but who knows. (okay now you do but thats not counted)
3) I feel so hurt that such betrayal could exist, even when I'm not the one directly betrayed. Why are you doing this?
4) I'm going away. Soon. Or maybe its a good thing? OH YAY IM LEAVING WOOHOO CANT STAND THIS NO MORE ok fail.
I'm stupid
;
I feel effing stupid beyond words.
Monday, May 31, 2010; 12 days
I started tearing (discreetly) during lunch just now.
When my dad's friend asked about my leaving.
NOWS THE TIME SOPHIA STARTS BECOMING A TEARY EMOTIONAL WRECK :o
I can't believe that after I leave, the next time I can really see everyone is 6 months later.
I know there's skype, thank God. But I wanna touch everyone. Ok sounds wrong, but it's true ):
Saturday, May 29, 2010;
Hi.
The songs "A House Is Not A Home" and "One Less Bell To Answer" by the Glee Cast makes my heart ache so bad.
I have no idea why..
Everything about the songs; the words, the melodies, the duet, it consumes me.
Makes my heart and head feel so darn weird.
Makes me feel so darn high but so achingly low.
Such beauty in the songggggggggggg
"When I climb the stairs and turn the key, oh please be there"
Ohhh. A more apt description would be, I'm getting drunk on the music.
"A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there."
Wheeeeee
):
(:
):
(:
Wednesday, May 26, 2010; Hello I love you so
Reblogged from Peipei;
"...........happiness from meeting hunny and catching up. somehow with hunny, i always feel this sense of familiarity, this sense of security. darling dont be scared kay. we both know it, our love will last forever across the distance no matter how far............"
I am so so glad that I managed to meet you today too, babe.
When I'm with you I just feel like I'm with someone who really knows me, who's seen me grow and change through the years.
And today you said, "Uh I know you as well as you know yourself."
(: I love you my little best friend.
And I just know in my bones that someday you will meet the one who will treat you right. Not the one that won't make you cry, cuz I don't believe that Mr Right=Won't ever make you cry. But the one that might make you cry but be there afterwards to catch your tears, catch you, catch your dreams. I pray that you'll find the one that loves you with all his heart, with you being able to love him with all of yours, too, despite the wounds that someone from your past caused. You'll meet the one that will heal your pain and let you love again, sweetheart.
Today, I received an email from my uncle from dad's side that I haven't been close to in ages. We still see each other every week, but we're not that close anymore. He told me that he'd miss me, and that perhaps he "already missed me (ever since I became a teenager)". He said he was looking forward to my baby cousin Jolin to grow up more so that she could fill the shoes of little sophie who used to bring him so much joy and fun.. I totally teared when I read the email. Its a strange feeling.. All of a sudden I seem to recall times when he used to bring me to the zoo, tease me, play with me and such.
I see my uncles and aunts from my dad's side every week... And its the tradition/norm that before everyone goes home, all the kids have to give all the adults a hug (: Even when I'm 19 (SOON), I still do that. And last week, a strange feeling welled up in me when I hugged them. I gave each one of them an extra squeeze. I hope they felt it and felt what I was trying to say lol. I'm definitely gonna miss them... I miss them already :o
I miss everyone already.
Hi.
I miss you. Like right now (:
Monday, May 24, 2010; 18
So this is what it feels like to hope time would pass faster, and yet hope it could stand still.
..... That doesn't even make sense, does it.
Sunday, May 23, 2010; Note to self
Noooooooooooooooo don't be affeeecteeeeddddddd~ :D
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee I need to stop being so antisocial. There's smth wrong with me, maybe.