Monday, May 31, 2010; 12 days
I started tearing (discreetly) during lunch just now.
When my dad's friend asked about my leaving.
NOWS THE TIME SOPHIA STARTS BECOMING A TEARY EMOTIONAL WRECK :o
I can't believe that after I leave, the next time I can really see everyone is 6 months later.
I know there's skype, thank God. But I wanna touch everyone. Ok sounds wrong, but it's true ):
Saturday, May 29, 2010;
Hi.
The songs "A House Is Not A Home" and "One Less Bell To Answer" by the Glee Cast makes my heart ache so bad.
I have no idea why..
Everything about the songs; the words, the melodies, the duet, it consumes me.
Makes my heart and head feel so darn weird.
Makes me feel so darn high but so achingly low.
Such beauty in the songggggggggggg
"When I climb the stairs and turn the key, oh please be there"
Ohhh. A more apt description would be, I'm getting drunk on the music.
"A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there."
Wheeeeee
):
(:
):
(:
Wednesday, May 26, 2010; Hello I love you so
Reblogged from Peipei;
"...........happiness from meeting hunny and catching up. somehow with hunny, i always feel this sense of familiarity, this sense of security. darling dont be scared kay. we both know it, our love will last forever across the distance no matter how far............"
I am so so glad that I managed to meet you today too, babe.
When I'm with you I just feel like I'm with someone who really knows me, who's seen me grow and change through the years.
And today you said, "Uh I know you as well as you know yourself."
(: I love you my little best friend.
And I just know in my bones that someday you will meet the one who will treat you right. Not the one that won't make you cry, cuz I don't believe that Mr Right=Won't ever make you cry. But the one that might make you cry but be there afterwards to catch your tears, catch you, catch your dreams. I pray that you'll find the one that loves you with all his heart, with you being able to love him with all of yours, too, despite the wounds that someone from your past caused. You'll meet the one that will heal your pain and let you love again, sweetheart.
Today, I received an email from my uncle from dad's side that I haven't been close to in ages. We still see each other every week, but we're not that close anymore. He told me that he'd miss me, and that perhaps he "already missed me (ever since I became a teenager)". He said he was looking forward to my baby cousin Jolin to grow up more so that she could fill the shoes of little sophie who used to bring him so much joy and fun.. I totally teared when I read the email. Its a strange feeling.. All of a sudden I seem to recall times when he used to bring me to the zoo, tease me, play with me and such.
I see my uncles and aunts from my dad's side every week... And its the tradition/norm that before everyone goes home, all the kids have to give all the adults a hug (: Even when I'm 19 (SOON), I still do that. And last week, a strange feeling welled up in me when I hugged them. I gave each one of them an extra squeeze. I hope they felt it and felt what I was trying to say lol. I'm definitely gonna miss them... I miss them already :o
I miss everyone already.
Hi.
I miss you. Like right now (:
Monday, May 24, 2010; 18
So this is what it feels like to hope time would pass faster, and yet hope it could stand still.
..... That doesn't even make sense, does it.
Sunday, May 23, 2010; Note to self
Noooooooooooooooo don't be affeeecteeeeddddddd~ :D
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee I need to stop being so antisocial. There's smth wrong with me, maybe.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010;
I'm still afraid to show too much.
Without much reassurance, direction, or.. I dunno.
I know there probably can't be, and trust me I'm not expecting anything.
Its okay, I don't expect promises or stability.
It would be selfish of me to expect it.
I know how I feel, but yet everything else is so uncertain.
I wouldn't get mad if it doesn't work out.
Its so confusing at a stage like this.
How much to show?
Or does it even matter? ):
Tuesday, May 18, 2010; Don't forget
This is gonna be a display of insecurity and fear. But.
Pls don't forget. Will you think about me? Even if its just once a week. I'd be happy with that I promise.
I swear that every time you think about me, I'd feel it from miles away and get stronger.
Don't forget the times we shared.
Even though I know I failed at being a great friend, but please do remember all the times I tried. I wanted to be great for you, but I'm sorry I couldn't.
Do remember how I loved you.
I know that many people have many friends, different groups of people they find happiness and joy with. Many different people to love.
I don't.
I know I have to start learning how to do so. Or rather, I'll have to start being willing to do so.
But.
Don't let me fade into nothingness in your heart and mind.
While I try to survive in a new world.
Why can't I bring myself to enjoy different people's company more.
Why do I always long for the same people.
Insecure, dependent retard.
/edit
This post is meant for my best friends and my family.
I'm sorry for all the misunderstanding caused.
Sunday, May 09, 2010; I miss you
Hello I miss you already! You you you and you. And you. All the important you-s in my life.
The truth is slowly sinking in. Or rather, the feeling of having to leave is becoming more real.
I have FOUR MORE SUNDAYS in singapore. Ohhhhhh man.
Sometimes I wish time would stand still. Then again, who doesn't. But I wish some moments don't end so quickly,
Everything happens for a reason, right, Lord? Give me strength to accept and overcome obstacles and events in my life even when the reasons are still unknown to me. Even when certain reasons might forever remain unknown. I can't do it on my own.
I pray what happened the past two years will never ever happen again. I must not crumble again. I will not lose myself again. Please don't let my fire die again. I won't stop fighting.